$118 Million Buys a lot of Shoes

I drive by the big Powerball billboard on my way home from work every day, and right now it’s sitting at a cool $102 million.

So, like any normal person driving by that billboard on their way home from a long day at work I start fantasizing about what it would be like to actually win that jackpot. However, the other day my thought process didn’t quite go the way you might expect. No, it took a detour to the dark and twisted zone before it went the usual route to Fantasyland.

The first thought that popped into my head was not what would I do with all that money, but what would happen to me if I won that money.

  1. Both of my ex husbands would think they had some sort of right to that money, and I’d have letters from lawyers in my mailbox within a week. Sick and twisted but probably true.

  1. I’d have a bunch of marriage proposals in my Inbox, in my voicemail and on my front doorstep. Hey, could happen!

After those two thoughts occupied my head for a while I got down to the business of the real fantasy.

  1. My sisters and I own a cabin in Lake Tahoe, but a cousin of ours owns a piece of it too. I’d buy her out and fix it up so my sisters, the kids and I could enjoy it, and I’d still let my cousin use it.

  1. I’d buy Cabana Boy a bitchin’ sailboat, because he’s a sailor who wants to sail around the world under the power of wind and water, and everyone deserves to be granted one fantasy in life.

  1. My kids would learn about world history on location around the world. Forget the history books! I’m taking them to every continent to explore!

  1. Every kid deserves the chance for a good education no matter where they live, what school district they’re in, or how much money they don’t have. I’ll travel around the country like the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes prize patrol people and hand out scholarships to motivated kids who can’t afford higher education.

  1. I’m building a life-size replica of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and turning it into a tourist destination. Chocolate fountains for all!

  1. I’m subsidizing good daycare for single parents who have to work.

  1. Spa day for all of my good girlfriends once a month.

  1. Britney Spears needs some underwear. I’m sending her a 12-pack of Jockey boy shorts.

  1. I’m buying myself a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes!

Would I quit my job? Hell yes! Are you kidding me?! I would write for fun instead of a paycheck.

What would you do with a windfall of $102 million? Don’t get all technical on me and tell me I have to pay taxes on that. Let’s just assume you net $102 million.

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