Archive for June, 2008

Honoring George Carlin, and Swearing My Ass Off

Today I’m using cuss words. How can I not? Class Clown was the first album I ever bought with my own money. I was eight or nine, and my mom let me buy it! I could repeat it word for word. I wore that album out.

So, in honor of George… the seven words you can’t say on television: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker mother fucker and tits.

George Carlin 1937-2008

R.I.P.R.O.T.F.L.O.L.

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I am Told my Picture is Plastered All Over Town

So, my friend Debbie calls me up and says, “Your picture is in the Lake Oswego Review .” Anyone who has ever seen the Lake Oswego Review knows this can be a very bad thing. There’s a little section we refer to as the “Police Blotter.” Don’t ever get caught doing anything in Lake Oswego, because you WILL be publicly humiliated in that section of the paper.

I actually wondered what I had done that would get me in the blotter! Gasp!

Then Debbie said, “There’s a picture of you and my mom in the Relay for Life advertisement.”

Okay, that’s interesting, because I don’t remember a professional photographer taking my picture last year, but okay.

Then she calls me the next day and says, “You’re on the wall at Starbucks and Jamba Juice.”

The posters are everywhere.

I had not planned to do the Relay for Life (American Cancer Society) this year, because it was just too emotional for me last year. My friends, my family, and you all (my blog readers) donated enough money to my fund raising efforts to make me the 1 fund raiser on my team, and I think the 3 fund raiser in Lake Oswego.

I have been told that it would be really bad form if I didn’t show up this year since my face is on the poster! I had planned on coming by and bringing people coffee in the morning (it’s a 24-hour event), but I hadn’t planned on trying to raise money or walk the Survivor Lap.

However, I have now registered to walk the Survivor Lap, and I do have a page on the website: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/kjhorton

Donate if you like. Come walk a lap with me if you like. It’s a good cause.

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The WTF Blog. Initialisms and WTF?

This blog is actually about two things:

  1. “Initialisms” (a.k.a. Internet acronyms)
  2. WTF’s

First up: Initialisms. These are the acronyms we all use on a daily basis when we text and IM and leave comments.

Example: LOL. As we all know this is an acronym for “Laugh out Loud,” as in, “Oh my God! That was so funny. LOL”

This is one initialism that I just can’t reconcile in my head. Every time I read it I hear “Laugh out Loud” in my head, which just doesn’t sound right to me, and doesn’t make me feel like laughing! However, I do like ROTFLOL (rolling on the floor laughing out loud). Go figure.

My all time favorite, however, is “WTF?” I love to swear! I know you’re shocked. I can’t bear to type the F-Bomb in blogs most of the time, but I’m thinking it I tell ya, so I use WTF. It is the perfect expression when someone just does something so inappropriate or just beyond comprehension. It is my way of cussing without cussing.

So, here’s my list of WTF’s for the week:

People who stop one full car length behind the line at a stoplight, and don’t trip the mechanism that actually causes the light to change. WTF?
People who leave one full car length between themselves and the car in front of them when the ass end of my car is hanging out in the intersection! WTF?
Hannah Montana. WTF?
The guy I saw in Fred Meyer wearing purple Ugg boots. WTF?
Having to pay $12 to see my own daughter’s dance recital. WTF?
Not being able to take video of my own daughter’s dance recital, and having to buy the official video. WTF?
The coldest, wettest, cloudiest June I can remember in Oregon. WTF?
People on dating sites who post pictures of themselves that are 10 years old and think I won’t notice the difference when I meet them in person. WTF?
I could probably go on and on, but I think I’ll give you all a chance to contribute. Favorite “Initialism?” Any initialism that drives you crazy? Any WTF’s to add to the list for the week?

Technorati Tags: WTF, Initialisms, LOL

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Flying My Geek Flag Proudly!

I spend my days writing mostly serious marketing collateral and documentation for high tech companies. Lately I’ve been writing a lot about High Performance Computing in the modern data center. Don’t know what I’m talking about? That’s okay. I got tired of being so serious and wrote a rap/poem about it.

To get the full effect of this “poem,” you need to read it out loud like a rapper, because that’s how it sounds in my head!

I fly my geek flag proudly!

HPC Rap

High Performance Computing is da bomb you see,
If you can’t say that mouthful say “HPC.”
Clusters, and storage and processors galore,
Got a room full of servers from the ceiling to the floor.

Got blinking lights in racks,
Hardware servers all in stacks.
Welcome to my world,
it’s the IT shack.

Computational analysis,
I/O paralysis,
bottleneck dialysis,
need a psychoanalyst!

© 2008 Kelly Jo Horton


Natalie Portman does Gangsta Rap. I just noticed this version has advertising that pops up. I’ll look for a better version with no ads!

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