At first I had no reaction whatsoever…

This blog was originally published on MySpace on May 21, 2009

I went for my bi-annual checkup with my dermatologist today, and when I left she handed me a piece of paper with the information on it about my most recent malignant melanoma and said, “You had a malignant melanoma in 2004. Just want to remind you of all the things you need to continue to do.”

Was she really saying what I thought she was saying? I quickly did the math in my head.

I have been cancer-free for five years.

At first I had no reaction whatsoever. It was like someone
had just said, “Have a nice day.” Then I walked to my car, took a deep breath
and cried. I didn’t feel it coming. I cried all the way to work.

I had no idea how buried my fear was until someone gave me permission to let it go.

The truth is you never completely let go of that fear once you have had cancer, because you know it’s always lurking. My cells already know how to mutate into deadly malignant melanoma. That much I know. So I have to respect that. They could choose to go rogue again at any moment.

We are mortal. Don’t forget that. Live and love while you can.

Cheers!

My cancer story: I am a Cancer Suvivor

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