Movies that don’t Stand the Test of Time: 9 1/2 Weeks

Originally published on MySpace on December 8, 2008.

A few weeks back Mike and I were discussing movies, as we often do, and we got onto the subject of movies we had seen 15-20 years ago. You know the movies I’m talking about, the movies that you thought were really great for some reason back then, so you want to watch them again to relive that memory.

But, memory can be a tricky thing, especially when you’re talking about a movie you thought was the bee’s knees 20 years ago.

The movie that kept coming up for me over and over again was 9 ½ Weeks. That’s the movie where Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke have a torrid 9 ½-week affair. My memory of that movie was that it was very passionate and full of taboos. I also for some reason thought it was a good movie.

I know that I’m not the only one out there who has been looking to relive this particular memory, because I have been trying to rent this movie for the past four months and it’s always out of stock! Mike and I finally gave up and bought it for $6 off

So, we settle in on the couch a few nights ago with great expectations and hit the Play button.

The first thing we both notice is the really annoying 80’s music, 80’s hair, padded shoulders, and Pat-Benatar makeup on everyone. The second thing we notice is the lack of plot and bad editing. One minute Basinger and Rourke are meeting randomly at a fish market, the next thing you know she’s at his house in a bathrobe. WTF?

Mike and I both asked each other the same question: uh, what happened in between? How did they go from being strangers to Basinger being in a bathrobe with wet hair?

We actually only watched the first 30 minutes on the first go round because it was putting us to sleep!

We finally finished the last hour of it last night, and we agree that it is just plot-less soft porn dressed up as a Hollywood movie. There is no emotional connection between the two main characters, so you really don’t care what happens to either of them in the end. The subplot of the office girl dating Basinger’s ex isn’t compelling or interesting (or believable). Oh yeah, and Basinger squeals like a 12-year-old girl at a Jonas Brother’s concert throughout the entire film. Really annoying.

And if that’s not bad enough, there’s a sequel! I have never seen the sequel, and actually just discovered it this morning as I was searching through IMDB.

There’s one more movie that I think is going to be a monumental disappointment if I ever get to watch it again: Summer Lovers (1982). I think this was probably one of Peter Gallagher’s first movies. Also stars Daryl Hannah. Filmed in Santorini, Greece. That’s probably it’s only redeeming quality.

Have you ever gone back and watched a movie that you once thought was the best thing since sliced bread, and then figured out it was actually just a piece of tripe?

Let’s Try that Foot Fetish Blog Again

Originally published on MySpace on November 13, 2008.

A few months ago my left foot had an audition. I got a pedicure, went into my agent’s office, and met a photographer who was looking for the perfect foot for a movie poster for the film “Not Dead Yet.”

There was one other woman there at the same time so I was able to see some of my competition. I actually thought her feet were much more aesthetically pleasing than mine, but she had one problem: a wonky toe on her left foot. The right foot was perfect, but she had one slightly crooked toe on her left foot, and this was a left-foot job.

She didn’t get the job. I did, well, my left foot did.

A few days later I found myself in the photographer’s loft in the Pearl District, with my foot pressed into a real patch of sod (basically a big sheet of real live grass). There was a pot (as in potted plant) of daisies, and the photographer and creative producer picked through the bunch to find the perfect daisy to put between my toes.

I’m not sure when this movie will be released, but when you’re standing in the theater lobby with your friends you can say, “I know that foot.”

Technorati Tags: Not Dead Yet, foot modeling

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